Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And then he peed in my hair
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