I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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