Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
