a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
