Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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