I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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