and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
