i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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