I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
