An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
