I seem to have left my pride at pride
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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