The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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