Swine flu. Run for my life!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
