I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
