All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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