shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
