I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
