Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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