the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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