Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
