half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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