how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
