i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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