We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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