weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
