Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
