i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
