I love black thongs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
