She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
