i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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