puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
