I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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