We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
