In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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