I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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