i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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