is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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