there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
