hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
