Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
