Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
where does the pee come out of this thing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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