he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Houston, we have a squirter
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
