She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So squirting runs in the family.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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