i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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