So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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