i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my being single is dangerous.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
