Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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