Me. At least after what I've been through.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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