I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
