You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
