who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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