glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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