You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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