Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
