The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
