need another drink. this is the easiest way
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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