I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
